I think that there comes a time in a lot of people's lives when they just decide that they are who are they are and there's probably not going to be much of a change to that in the future. I'm sure it doesn't happen to everybody, but I've definitely been feeling it the last couple of years. Although it could sound slightly defeatist to some, I'm finding it to be quite the opposite.
There's a saying that I have completely rewritten and catered to my current state that goes something like:
Be who you are, but be really good at being who you are.
I like that. I like that it asks you to take a good look at yourself and really see what makes you who you are. I've been thinking about that a lot lately, with the aim of finding out what makes me most happy. Wouldn't you know, it turns out that the things that make me most happy (apart from my family, of course) are the things that I have always loved and sought out - drawing and writing, faeries and nature. Those are the top ones. The ones that matter to me the most. So what to do with that not very surprising revelation?
Lean into it, of course!
To lean in, you need to fully commit to something. That's pretty much the definition of it. It's a nice sentiment, but I find that it doesn't quite go far enough for what I need. I've been thinking about a term to describe what it is I mean here. It's something close to deep diving into this process. It's a little like dedication too. But I think the term I'm going to go with is...
Immersion.
If you're going to do it, you might as well really go for it, right? I think so. So I'm going to immerse myself in these four things. Drawing. Writing. Faeries. Nature.
That sounds like just a whole lot of fun to me. I've been doing quite a bit of writing lately, focusing on some short stories featuring my old friend, Willow. I have some illustrations to do for them and then I will do something with them, I'm just not sure what that thing will be yet. Maybe a book? Maybe I'll just post them online once each one is done. We'll see.
Most importantly, though, I'm having fun immersing myself! There are none of my old stresses about making a career out of what I'm doing (though, of course, that is what I ultimately want, just without stressing about it), nor the pressure to achieve everything yesterday.
I'm going at my own pace.
Taking my time.
Doing it right.
Enjoying every moment of it.
Creating my best work to date.
It's been a revelation, honestly. Elizabeth Gilbert (my Creativity Guru) goes into this in her book, Big Magic. She asks why do we put so much weight on our creative process; why must we demand so much of it? When you think about it, why on earth would you put so much pressure onto an act that generally doesn't react well to it? Why should you insist that your creativity pay the bills and put food on the table? Creativity doesn't want to hear that! Creativity just wants to do its own thing, with no stress and definitely no pressure. Life is difficult enough without making the things that should be fun and a release a chore too.
So I'm immersing myself, with the sole purpose of seeking out joy in it. And come what may!